Where to even begin? Truth be told......there is simply too much to catch up on. And so, after days of fretting (wow, I fret a LOT, way, way too often about way, way too many things........) I have decided that I am simply not going to try to fill in the "holes" of everything that is going on right now.
Simply put, life is awesome, but being a mommy can be hard work. Every day I think to myself of situations where I have thought "It's a baby, how hard can it be?" towards friends and acquaintances that have children. Truth be told, it is hard. It is the most awesome kind of "hard" on the face of the earth, but much tougher than I ever imagined. Life is not so carefree and spontaneous. Kids have crap-loads of gear. Before having a baby, I could just grab the car keys and run out. While out on my errands, I could stop at 7 places and run in just for a moment. Now, even the thought of the "best order" wastes an hour and by the time I would go out, it doesn't even seem worth it anymore. Holy cow, I NEVER realized that I overthink absolutely everything. I spend more time worrying about the most efficient way to do things, only to waste all the time and not get anything done. This, my friends, is the new story of my life. The "problem" lies in the fact that Miles has no schedule. I don't know how to establish a schedule and I don't handle him crying well.
Here's the deal: He sleeps well at night, really, really well. But then, he is a WILD CARD during the day. 100% unpredictable. Most days, the only thing he wants to do is be held. He does not nap unless I am holding him. If I try to lie him down, he wakes up and we have to start all over again. This leaves me in quite a state. I can't really do anything during the day because I have to hold him. If I put him down, he screams.
I think the doctor accidently left the instruction manual in my uterus. Dear Doctor, I NEED THAT THING. I am learning. Every day, I learn more and more. I love him so much it actually pains me. I don't want to leave him with anyone other than Nate because I don't trust them or feel like I can't ask. Honestly, it is harder than I anticipated not having family here. Yes, we have friends, they all have their own things going on, I don't want to ask them. I feel like I would be taking advantage of or burdening our church friends. And so, that leaves me. Nate is busy at school and I have one million things to do and not enough hours in the day to do them. Every day I wake up and think of all the things I could do when Miles goes down for a nap. Problem 1.) He doesn't nap, or if he does, it is for like 5 minutes and I can't get anything done in that amount of time. Problem 2.) IF he gives me 10 minutes, I end up spending that 10 minutes planning my "attack plan" for my list. And then he wakes up.
We have had dairy issues, I had to cut dairy and that was hard. Daddy got the flu - I had to take Miles to one of my girlfriend's for two days and two nights. We came home and I got a cold. Miles also got the cold as did Nate. We are still recovering from that.
And now, I have spent all this time blogging and no time cleaning. You all know I love Harry Potter and you have NO IDEA how much I would love my very own house elf right now. If only QP, our imaginary house elf were real......that would be amazing. But until that time, the mess will still be there for me tomorrow....and perhaps the next day, too. Oh well, clean is overrated.
Surfing Sunday 10.15
1 day ago