Monday, June 28, 2010

The perfect day......

Well, I guess no day here on earth is perfect - but Saturday came about as close as they can come, at least in my opinion. I have had a few of those "great days." When Nate and I were getting married I was lucky enough to have a few showers thrown for me. I have very fond memories of them. Our wedding day was a great day, but I remember a lot of nerves, mostly just nerves that things would go ok and I wouldn't pass out, or say something wrong...who knows?

Saturday was my baby shower in northern Indiana. I am lucky enough to be having two showers thrown for me. One of them down here in Indy that will include a lot of my friends and church family from down here. However, if this had been my only shower, it really would have left a BIG group of people who couldn't have shared in the joy of baby Miles being well on his way. So, it was decided rather early on that there would be a shower that would take place in northern Indiana that could include a lot of our family.

I want to go over the day from beginning to patience will be appreciated. The morning began at 7:00am when Nate and I got up and began to get ready. We left the house around 8:00 to go pick up my dear friend Robyn, who lives in Fishers. We got up to her place and began the trek north, on track to be there by around 12:00 (an hour before the shower started at 1:00). As we were about 20 minutes outside of Fishers, my dear friend Marty called and said her husband had gotten off work. This portion of the story is too long to detail, other than the fact that we made the quick and wise decision that we HAD to turn around to go get her. No matter how long I live or what decisions I make, this will have been one of my wisest. Granted, we ended up being a little bit late to my own shower, but Marty was MORE than worth it!

After backtracking around the 465 loop to grab Marty, we were on our way north once again. The other stop that was a MUST was when we saw Port-a-Pit chicken. Robyn and I were pretty much yelling and screaming at Nate to stop the car for Port-a-Pit. We probably almost gave Marty a heart-attack. I wonder if Marty was worried we were yelling for a "Port-a-Potti"? Clearly, Marty is not from northern Indiana. It was a very short delay, and also, more than worth it :)

We arrived at the shower about 20 minutes late and everyone was understanding. The group of people that came meant a lot to me. Their love and support was so meaningful to me. Miles is so lucky to have a family and friends that care so much for him. Everyone brought gifts that were so thoughtful and generous. I can't remember feeling so much gratitude at any point in my life, and I will always remember that feeling. We opened gifts, we played a game, and ate the most delicious and adorable cake on the face of the earth. And then, it was over in what seemed like a minute. (Although in reality it had lasted several hours....time flies when you're having fun and feeling very loved!) A few members of the immediate family stuck around for a little bit.

Around 5:00 the four of us from Indy realized we had to go BACK to Indy, so we got in the car. We made one last pit-stop to visit Robyn's momma, Linda before leaving town. The car ride back was fun and went pretty fast (Nate might dispute this fact considering the poor guy was driving three girls all the way to Indy, two of whom are beyond 7 months pregnant!) We dropped Robyn off. We dropped Marty off. We got to see Ken and Micah for a few minutes even though it was pretty darn late. We got home just around 11:00 and fell in to bed, especially my sweet love-bug of a hubby who had to be up for work at 5:15.

It was as close to the perfect day as I ever could have imagined. Robyn took LOTS of pictures, but I don't have them yet.....when I get them, I will post them. Until then, you just get to imagine it!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

The "chill-pill" finally seems to be taking effect

Oh good grief, the last few days have been tough (in case you haven't been able to tell from a series of crazy facebook posts, crazy blog posts, and for a few of you who just get to be that lucky - calls with "word vomit" spewing like wild fire).

Someday I am going to recognize some tendencies in myself. One of these "character traits" that I seem to posses is that I am not well suiting for "change" or "unknowns".....basically it boils down to faith and control issues, but it manifests in very real ways. I have some very real examples of myself not handling change very well....just a few are: going to college, getting married, moving, job changes, husband in school (you get the idea).

This being said, last week in the hospital clearly threw me for a loop. Go ahead and add in the fact that Nate beginning a "new" stage in medical school (one which I currently don't know what to expect all the time, every day) made for a BAD COMBO. Over the past few days, the only time I have even been mildly "holding it together" is when I have been very distracted or occupied. I know that this is a trial that I am going through to learn that on some level I need to learn to "self-soothe" in stressful situations. Even so, I can't expect for myself to just make up my mind that I am going to be awesome all the time and then live in that way.

Yesterday hopefully was the worst of it all. Nate told me on Monday night that Tuesday was going to be his first "on-call" day. He had told me over the weekend that it was going to be on Wednesday, and I was ok with that. I usually have a book club that I try to go to on Wednesdays, so I am occupied for at least a few hours. So when he informed me that it was actually Tuesday and not Wednesday - it was upsetting. (Stupid, I know - I am going to have to get used to these call days, but for some reason the first one being tossed my way when I wasn't prepared was not what I wanted). He left the house at 6:15ish, really before I am too "with it" in the morning. I got up at 7:15 and went out to get breakfast. The house was just too quiet. When we had cable, I would have just turned on the TV and it would have been fine, but I got all tense over the quiet - and then the realization hit me that Nate wouldn't be home for potentially 16 more hours. I went to work - but I was just in a tizzy and didn't want to be there. I couldn't focus or get anything done. I just felt like I was going to cry (which in case you didn't know, isn't very professional).

I wanted to go home. I left around noon and headed home. About 3 minutes from home I realized I DIDN'T want to go home (at this point, you should be picking up on the fact that at my core, I had NO IDEA of what I wanted) - I was worse than a toddler who says they want food, so you give them food, but it's not the food they want........snowball effect of badness.

I just wanted some company, but was too nervous to call anyone to sound all nutsy and ask for "help" e-mail of absolute desperation went out to my dear friend Sarah. Long story short, I was at her house by 4:00 and I just hung out and played with her and her little daughter Mia. It was just what I needed. That seemed to calm me enough to get through the rest of the day without Nate. In reality, his call ended about 8:00 instead of 10:00, so he was home by about 8:45. Also, my friend Shannon came over to see me for a bit, and this helped as well. Also, my dear Jenny called to "check on me" (at this point I realized what level of desperation I have been putting off on facebook for a few days - I am pretty darn transparent when I am super-stressed, even if some (ok, most) of the stress is pretty much self-imposed).

I know this doesn't sound good, but it was a bad day (or series of a few days) and I am feeling much better today. I am learning. It is a process. It was ok, it is ok, and it will be matter what. If it is not ok at any given moment, it IS ok for me to call on a few of my friends and ask for the help I need.

Ok, that is enough for now........

Monday, June 21, 2010

A Case of the Mondays.....ugh

Friday grandma and grandpa were in town and it was great. Honestly, we ran around a pretty decent amount considering I was coming off of 5 days in the hospital, and I think I was just desperate for some kind of "normalcy." I talked Gram into us girls' getting pedicures....and I hate to say it, but I might have gotten her hooked! It was a big treat considering I can't reach my feet in quite the manner I am used was also just great to chat with her. Meanwhile, Bapa napped at the house with the Magnificent Hans. In the evening we had dinner out and my lovely friend Jenny Petgen joined us. Grandma and grandpa have known her FOREVER but hadn't seen her in more than 20 years.

Friday evening was ugly. I don't really know why. I think I am overwhelmed/freaked out/anxious/high strung over Nate beginning rounds. I know that we have both been so excited for this "next step" in the process, however, there are a few unknowns as well as a general sense of change - and let's face the fact that I don't always handle change well. I am pretty sure Nate thought I had lost it completely.

Saturday we had a garage sale that went really well. We made a pretty decent amount of cash, especially considering we were just going to donate everything anyway! Nate was home by about 2:00 and we got to spend the day and evening together.

Sunday I made my way to church, and it was great to be back. I was truly overwhelmed at the amount of care and concern for myself, Nate and Miles. It really hammered in to my mind how greatful I am for this community we have built over the last year at Mt. Auburn. I truly love these people and feel so blessed to have them in our lives showing us the love of God at any hour of any day. I have always had a hard time asking for help and don't think I will ever be very comfortable doing so, however, I know for a fact that we have plenty of people we could call who would be there in a few minutes - and this means the whole world.

Today=ROTTEN. I had such hopes for what the day would hold - and it is a long story, but it was just lousy. It was even sadder when my sweet husband made it home and echoed that he had about the same kind of day, darn it. Let's chalk it up to a "case of the Mondays" and hope for a better tomorrow.

My nerves are shot, my back aches, and I feel like throwing up, but this too shall pass........

Friday, June 18, 2010


It has come to my attention that even though I am claiming to be "regaining my mental clarity" I left a few rather big "holes" in the hospital story. Oopsy!

What exactly happened and what was wrong? I am afraid this may go down in the books as a bit of an unsolved medical mystery. When I got the pains, I was so sure it was kidney stones. I know that when I got to the hospital I was still in the same kind of pain. It was at this point that they began to strain my urine to watch for a stone (just another reason I am not a nurse....nurses should be paid more!) We never saw a stone pass.

Meanwhile, I kept pretty drugged up, trying to get the pain to pass. They also detected a bit of a kindey or bladder infection that they began treating with antibiotics. At some point I wonder if the excruciating pain of what I was taking to be kidney stones passed a little bit and was replaced by just very general pain from being completely sedentary for days? In case you don't know me very well, you know I am a mover. Not to mention that my belly decided to explode a bit and my back hurts from this, too.

The ultrasound they did on my kindeys showed no stone, however, ultrasounds are not the best method for detecting kidney stones. This being said, they ARE the best method (and darn near the only diagnostic one) for pregnant women.

The urologist that came in yesterday told me it may or may not be a kidney stone. I am no longer straining my urine (thank goodness) - but if it is a stone that I pass on my own, I won't know it. If it had been a huge stone, they probably could have seen it on the ultrasound. Or, maybe (and I am beginning to think this is likely) it was/is an infection that manifested in "kidney-stone-like-pain." Perhaps in this case, if it WAS NOT a kidney stone, my past history of kidney stones fooled me in to a sureness and self-diagnosis that it was? Geez, this whole pregnancy has thrown me for a few loops, huh?

If the symptoms clear up with the antibiotic (which they seem to be doing, hopefully) maybe we will chalk it up to an infection? Or somehow it was a small stone that I passed but somehow missed (also possible). If problems remain throughout the rest of the pregnancy, hopes are that they will be mild and I would have to deal with any residual issues after Miles is born. Like I said, there are much more definitive diagnosic tests that can be done, but not with a baby in my belly........

It was so great to be in my own bed last night, but I did end up bending and using the vicodin about 1:00......not necessarily to pains directly related to my right-side back, but just pain. All I know this morning is that I have been up since 4:00am and feel like I have been run over by a truck. I do not like this, but I am not too sure that I should have the expectation to feel better immediately. Meanwhile, I really just feel the need to move and be active, all the while knowing that I can't push myself too hard or I will be sorry.

Work was very understanding and accomodating as I was supposed to go back Monday after being off for a week. Getting out of the hospital yesterday, I thought it completely pointless to try to push myself super-hard and go back on a Friday. I called my boss and said I would be in on Monday - he was agreeable to Monday it is! I will just have to remember everything I was doing - yikes!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

There's no place like home......

I have had the opportunity to travel the world. I have been to beautiful places and seen amazing things. However, I promise you - nothing has been as beautiful as my home was to me today. The hospital stay ended up being 4 nights and 4 days, give or take little bit. My mind is fuzzy from the four walls that began to seem like a prison by Tuesday night, but I think I blogged on Monday? Yes, I am pretty sure it was Monday night....

Ok, onward and upward with the story. Sunday and Monday seemed to be kind of "waiting out the kidney stone(s)" Monday the doctor on call ordered an ultrasound on my kidneys, and fortunately, or unfortunately (I have an argument for both of these words) they did not see anything. I was still in a lot of pain. Tuesday the doctor on call was kind of an a-hole (note to me......just in case something weird would happen and my doctor can't deliver Miles - I am NOT going to have this doctor do it - end of story.....) He was very patronizing and talked down to me. I am not saying anything bad about this doctor as a person, but as a doctor he was talking to me like I was an idiot. Quite frankly, I was too out of it to care too much. By the time Nate got there that night, it kind of dawned on me that Tuesday doctor on call had been of no help at all. His sentiment was something along the lines of "we are in no rush to get you out of here, worst case scenario is you will only be in pain for 12 more week (ummmm.....excuse me?!?!) I think I must have gotten my meds and gone in to some kind of stupor not long after that. The nurse on shift that night made me cry....a LOT. I don't know, she was just kind of mean-ish and encouraged me to not take any meds. I just wanted to go home. At this point, I also did NOT want Nate to leave me the next day. I wanted Nate to be there to talk to the doctor with me. Suddenly I was overwhelmed and anxious and wanted to puke over having to deal with the doctor by myself. By this point, I had so many awesome friends offer to help - but the bottom line of this issue was that a friend was simply not Nate, and I wanted Nate - it was not an option. This was kind of a "baptism by fire" in to what the next couple of years are going to be like with rotations - they are not optional.

Well, Nate left...and I survived. I may have cried for an hour, but I survived. The doctor yesterday was great. She sent in the massage therapist and the urologist. The urologist on call gathered my info yesterday afternoon. My attitude got better and the nurse last night was fine.

Suddenly, this morning the urologist came in and gave me the option to go home. YES! This was about 8:00 am. The doctor on call today was actually MY doctor. He came in by about 8:30 am (instead of the 1:00 pm that has seemed to be the time they were visiting). He said I could go home. I called Rachel and the angel girl was right down there to get me. I packed up. They did my glucose testing and I came back beautifully. I was home - HOME by about 10:00 am.......all of this on a day when I woke up thinking the best case scenario was probably Friday at the earliest.

My arms ache and burn from the FOUR, yes - four separate IVs (my very tiny and petite arms do not like being used as drug and fluid channels) They had to poke me twice to get the blood for the glucose testing. I actually shaved my arms tonight since they were so gummed up with sticky crap all over from all the IVs. I tried rubbing alcohol, but they were so tender that it killed to rub them.

They gave me a vicodin prescription, but I have gotten through the day without using it. I am not trying to be a hero, but tylenol has been managing the pain. Quite honestly, my whole self is kind of achey, but I think it is more from sitting in a bed for four days and four nights with only a three step walk to the bathroom. I didn't over-do it today, however, I did a load of laundry and put everything away from the hospital.

Grandma and Grandpa already had plans to come in to town tomorrow, so I will get to see them. They are planning on leaving around 6:00 am - so they should be here by the time I am up and around. Gram can help me around the house and I am sure we will be eating out or carrying in food, so I won't have to cook.

My mental clarity is sharpening-up. I am very glad for this. I am so grateful to be home, not hooked up to an IV - with my sweet husband and my sweet puppy-dog. I was completely overwhelmed with the amount of friends that came to visit and came to aid when we were in need. I know that many of you who could not visit or did not visit still had us in your thoughts and prayers - and I know for a fact that they made a difference.

Love from all of us. We have no intentions of any more incidents until September when we are hoping for a smooth labor and delivery and a healthy baby boy! Heck, at this rate there is a very good chance that labor and delivery won't hold a candle to the level of difficulty that this experience presented!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Not exactly the vacation I had in mind.....

Oh yes, I am in the hospital. I am officially beginning my third "24" hours at the hospital.

Let's back the train up and review the series of events..........

Last week we had done a lot of work at the house and had a few days of fun. Saturday the weather was horrid and Nate and I stayed in for a few hours. In the middle of the afternoon I began to get slightly stir-crazy and decided we could run a few errands. We went out to Wal-Mart, and in the midst of one of the aisles, I got a stabbing pain in my back. Now, with the pregnancy, I have had a variety of strange pains and aches, but this particular pain is unmistakable - yes.....oh yes, that particular stab of pain in just that spot can mean only one thing.....a kidney stone.

I am no rookie with kidney stones. This is my FOURTH bout of kidney stones since I was 17 years old. However, this is obviously my first bout of kidney stones in pregnancy, so the rules of the game are a tiny bit different.

After Wal-Mart we came home and I pushed fluids like a crazy lady for a few hours, until my nerves and the pain became worse. I ended up calling the "on-call" doctor for my OB/GYN and they said to come over to labor and delivery at the hospital. We went over with the assumption that I would get checked over and be home in a few hours. No such luck.

My mind is fuzzy from lots of pain meds and lots of pain, but basically these are the important points for those of you that care/want to know.

1.) Miles is just fine and this does not endanger him
2.) I am in a crapload of pain
3.) I am stuck in some kind of waiting game at the hospital for right now. We wait until my pain subsides or I pass an obvious kidney stone.

A while back I told Nate that I thought a little vacation could be fun over his "break" (which as of today, was over, darn it)......I can tell you this.....this is NOT the vacation I had in mind.

Oh well. Thanks to my friends and family who have shown care in many ways including calls, visits, favors, and messages.

Rachel came down for a visit today and even went and picked up the Magnificent Hans. This is a HUGE relief since Nate doesn't have to shuffle back and forth from the hospital four times a day.

Prayers and hopes for a quick resolution and no more trips to the hospital/incidents until September. Hopefully in September we will be here and will leave with a healthy Miles in our arms.......

Thursday, June 10, 2010

What is the maximum word count for blogspot?

Oh has been a little while. Not really THAT long, however, the events that have happened since the last post have been numerous.

Nate took boards last Tuesday!!!!! We are just so glad for them to be over. We won't have results for about 6 weeks, but the score is kind of unimportant right now. Well, let me re-phrase - of course it is very important, but the test is done and over with and nothing that Nate does at this point is going to change the result. At least we can be done with that and move forward. Beginning on Wednesday Nate began working on the large "honey-do" list and the NURSERY! It was super-fun and special - he did a "Trading Spaces" type reveal for me. He kept the door to the nursery closed and I didn't get to see it until Sunday (talk about anticipation and excitement!) when it was pretty much in its finished state. I WILL post pictures of the nursery on the blog - but I want to wait until next week because my Grammy and Grampy will be down at the end of next week and I want them to be surprised :)

I worked Tues-Fri (my regular hours, 9-2ish) and then each day I came home and tried to do some work, however, most days I was just too tired to get a ton done. My work really ramped up on Saturday and I took this week off work. Suffice it to say that by Wednesday we got pretty much everything we had energy done for at the house. On Tuesday I began to get very "difficult" and just began to burn out with the work around the house. Of course, I guess there was a little bit more that I could have done - but the fact is that this is always true and is always going to be true. We have the nursery done, the house over-all extrememly organized, and pretty much are ready for Miles. That being said, he still has just under three months to "bake" - so we don't want him here YET - but at least we (mostly me) feel ready! This is quite calming.

This week something absolutely remarkable happened. I don't want to delve in to the "issue" on here - but a situation that had been troubling me/eating me alive for several months was resolved. To say that it was short of a lot of prayers being answered would be a complete understatement. This has just added to the jubilation of the week.

My sweet little MIL injured herself doing chores last week. She broke her leg and had to have surgery. This actually happened Memorial Day evening, but they waited to tell us until the next day since it was the day of Nate's big test and they didn't want him distracted. She is doing ok, and it has actually been kind of a "treat" to have an excuse to talk to her even more on the phone! She is home and on the mend - we expect her to be "better than new" in no time flat!

We are just in the process of enjoying a few days before Nate begins rotations on Monday the 14th. His first rotation is going to be Pediatrics at Riley. Ok, well I am tired now.

There is surely more to list........I will think of it later!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

And I squirm to share......

This one is from Sunday afternoon (5/30) - 25 weeks - it was a long and warm day - I am not a beauty queen and I know it.......

This one is from the past few weeks.....I don't remember exactly when.....
A few of you have wanted to see a few of these.......

I don't know why I have been so secretive and mysterious - but here they are!