How come I am not 19 any more? I still "feel" 19! And yet, here I am....23! Don't get me wrong, 23 is NOT old and I know that!
And yet, it is funny for me to say and to internalize. More and more, I see people younger than me doing all kinds of things, and this is more of a new phenomenon to me. Do you want examples? Let me provide a few...
1.) Miley Cyrus. Do I need to say more?
2.) Taylor Swift
3.) Notre Dame College Football players, yep they are all younger than me.
I sometimes feel Nate and I have a funny perspective on things due to the age we were when we got married.....19. At that time, it was pretty crazy. We were clearly the only married people we knew our age at Manchester. We had not gotten married because of a kid, but because we wanted to and we were "ready." I would not trade the choices that we have made for anything. For us, I feel it was the right choice. And yet, how come now I look at someone who is 19 and think....."wow, they are young and stupid, do they even know how to spell their middle name?!" Also, how come when I was 17, 18, 19 years old I knew EVERYTHING there was to know about the world. Don't try to tell me anything different, because I knew it all......what "it" was you could have argued with me, and I was right (or so I thought!)
How come, now, at 23 I barely seem to "know" 1% of the things I "knew" when I was 18? Another funny thought came to me recently. For a long time, and even now, when we meet people I think that they think we are young. Back to the topic of being married young, we were, and I am not saying otherwise. It is funny to me now, though, that we were "special" being married back then. As we get older, more and more people are married. I still feel like we have much more "experience" than they do. Many of them are more newly married, while Nate and I are approaching our 5th year. The funny realization I came to was thinking about having babies. Clearly, that is on my mind, especially since the miscarriage. But I got to thinking, at this point, when Nate and I have a baby, we will be over 24 by the time the baby is here. That really isn't that young to have a baby! I think it is still "younger" but it doesn't make someone stop and think twice. When we mention that we got married when we were 19, people stop and pay attention.........baby at 24, not so much, it seems more "traditional" (or something to that effect, at least in my mind.)
And then, for my most HILARIOUS insight, if I may say so myself.....and yes, there is a TMI alert quickly on the way, so consider yourself warned:
As I was getting in the shower the other day, I stopped to glance at myself in the mirror and suddenly had the thought "Oh good grief, I look awful naked!" HAHAHAHAHA! I am sure there is a BIG part of this that is just me being WAY to critical of myself. For goodness sake, I am currently at the same "size" clothes I was before Nate and I were even married, but I am pretty sure in the buff, I DO NOT LOOK THE SAME! And to make matters worse, we don't have kids, so I can't blame anything on having had babies!
Later, as I shared this critism of myself with Nate, I phrased it well.......here is how the conversation opened:
Jen: Honey, I am glad to be married to you!
Nate: Well that is nice, I am glad to be married to you too!
Jen: Know why I am glad to be married to you? Cause at this point if I were dating, I couldn't let some boy see me naked! It is NOT pretty! Do real boys think real girls look like Hollywood girls, cause they are going to be sorely disappointed!
Oh, yes, I think I am just a bucket full of laughs! After much assurance on his part, he told me that he didn't think real boys think real girls look like Victoria Secret models.....they are airbrushed and we know it!
When did I pass my prime? I hope I am not already past my "sell-by" date! In my mind, maybe I will always be 19. I am pretty sure I have been here the whole time, and yet, sometimes things seem like they were just yesterday when in reality, they were 5 years ago. 180 degrees in the opposite direction, however, sometimes things that were just a few months ago seem like they were a lifetime ago.
From what my wise little grammy tells me, I should just get used to it, already!
So, I suppose that is all from the mind of Jen for right now. At this point, I have know idea who looks at this blog, and do you know what......I don't suppose it really matters to me. Everything I post on here, I am great with sharing, but it is more for me than for anyone else. I keep myself entertained and can "talk" till I am blue in the face. So, love from me and the Hans......we are just taking it easy this evening. Nate is in the office, studying until we die!
Lots of love, the Queen of Drama
20 hours ago